How old is too old to have kids, in your opinion?
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
What was the plan prior to marriage?
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
i think 35 is a good hard stop, and honestly, this should be more your decision to make than his. he should have understood marrying someone so much younger might bring this possibility.
the age difference in siblings is irrelevant... at least to the kids. not sure why he would feel 'strange'
i say go for it. youre only here once.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
The minute you have kids it's no longer about you and your journey and it's all about them. There are enough humans already.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
You're never too old to rock'n'roll if you're too young to die. Know nothing about kids, though...
-
What was the plan prior to marriage?
We didn’t have a firm plan either way. No hard yes or no on both sides, basically the same attitude we have now. He’s open to the idea of having kids, but he does have his concerns. He’s not against it, though.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I think this is highly individual. I had my latest at 37 and I knew that I wouldd not want any later than that. Unsure if it was due to age or the fact that I have four kids, though.
-
Why wouldn't it be an equal decision that the two of them come to together?
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]In my opinion over 50 is too old. I don't have a hard cutoff but I think I would place it somewhere around early 40s.
Some of my reasons are very subjective. My best memories of my childhood with my parents are of active stuff – camping trips, exploring rivers, kayaking. My parents are still very active in their late 60s but I can't imagine them doing a lot of the stuff we did back then. At least not in the same way.
Also I hate seeing my parents age. It was fine until their early 60s, they were also still very healthy and energetic in their 50s. But now I am often reminded that our time together is limited. I would have hated to deal with that as a child or teenager.
I know it's very possible for a child to have a happy life with an older parent, possibly happier than many other children. But I personally would hate to have one and think it's a bit selfish to consciously choose it.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
First: You shouldn't care about what others think.
I can understand why your husband thinks it's too late for him. I am also in my 50's and my daughter has a 6 months old son and I could never do that again. It's not just now but if that newborn is 20 your husband is 71.
-
i think 35 is a good hard stop
Well, I can tell from personal experience that it isn't a hard stop
-
i think 35 is a good hard stop
Well, I can tell from personal experience that it isn't a hard stop
its about risk not functionality.
-
Why wouldn't it be an equal decision that the two of them come to together?
it should be, but it really doesnt sound like hes taking her experience seriously.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I'd say fuck it!
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
When I think of older men having kids I mostly think of how unfortunate it is for the kid.
By the time your kid is 20 his dad will be 72, which would me like, on average he might get 5 more years of having a dad. If he's lucky maybe 10-15.
Sorry to be macabre but it is something to consider.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I just met my stepbrother last week despite our parents being together for several years now. He's 20-something years younger than I am (I'm almost 50 and he's in his twenties). If I think of him as stepparent's kid, it's not weird to me; similar to kids of close friends. If I think of him as stepbrother it feels strange. Maybe that's more to do with both of us being only children than the age gap.
Fortunately, we have enough in common that we got along really well!
I have a couple of friends that had a baby and the mom also had 2 teenage daughters (the baby is the dad's first kid; he was so excited to become a dad). The daughters seemed well adjusted to it. Your stepkid could be expecting you to want a kid of your own.
Why don't the 3 of you chat with a family therapist together to see if some of these concerns can be resolved or maybe aren't so much concerns at all.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
As long as you both consent to it and he is willing to also put in the work it takes to raise a child then what’s the problem?
Malcolm Gladwell just recently had a child in his late 50s/early 60s and so did Peter Sagal of Wait Wait fame. People have kids later in life all the time.
My wife and I had our first child when I was 39 because that’s finally when it happened for us and we had the means to support our kid the way we wanted.
I’m in my mid 40s now and would love another. I still have the energy to swing our kid around and throw her up in the air. Now she’s getting into the ages where she can hike with us, it’s a wonderful journey watching her grow and learn.
One thing I would just ask of you, personally, is just make the commitment to read to your child. Read to them every night. Read to them as much as they want. Read to them even when you’re tired. It’s so important for their development.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
why is your husband 20 years older than you?!
also, you can adopt.
-
When I think of older men having kids I mostly think of how unfortunate it is for the kid.
By the time your kid is 20 his dad will be 72, which would me like, on average he might get 5 more years of having a dad. If he's lucky maybe 10-15.
Sorry to be macabre but it is something to consider.
The flip side of that is the 51 year old will have the time patience and resources to give the child a great upbringing.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]My wife and I had a daughter with her at 45 and myself at 31. We had to use IVF, and in the end, donor eggs. So it is possible, despite the age. You're probably in a better situation biologically with him being the older one.
That said: don't have a kid if you just think it might be nice.
Kids aren't some sort of casual addition to the existing patterns of your life. They disrupt almost all of them. They are hard work, take up more time than anyone without could imagine. You can't just put them to the side and deal with them later when it's convenient for you. They need you when you're sick, when you're having a bad day, when you're grieving the death of a loved one, when you haven't had your coffee and are still waking up, when you're just trying to get some sleep, when you're hung over, when you're trying to cook, when you're trying to clean, when you're trying to get five minutes to yourself to take a shit, when the last thing you want to do is deal with a kid.
They are 100% reliant on you for years. They need to be taught everything, and I mean everything. Basic stuff like "don't bite people because you wouldn't like being bit" isn't intuitive. They will fight against you trying to get them to do something they enjoy. They will break things that are important to you. They will push boundaries intentionally and unintentionally.
And you need to handle all of your shit and all of their shit, and still have energy to handle them with kindness, near infinite patience, understanding, and with an eye for their learning and growth. You at least need to strive for this outcome, and hit it the overwhelming majority of the time. No one is perfect, but you have to strive to be for them, especially early on.
It's exhausting. It is one of the most gratifying things in the world. Just don't do it unless you're 100% sure you want to sign yourself up for it.
But look, at the end of the day, there are people having kids older than you two, and grandparents having to take sole guardianship over kids as well. You can do this, if it's something you both want.
