How old is too old to have kids, in your opinion?
-
why is your husband 20 years older than you?!
also, you can adopt.
It’s just who I happened to fall in love with. I was working as a tour guide in my hometown of Huế, and he was there on holiday. We clicked.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
For women there are finite age limitations on giving birth.
When adopting top end is age 60.
With that said, I am pretty much 60, and I have raised a kid, I couldn’t imagine dealing with that shit again.
I loved my kid, Trust me when I tell you raising a kid is so fucking overrated.
On the 27-year-old son issue that won’t mean nothing that basically mean the 27 rule will act as an uncle for the child.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
The previous president of Finland, Sauli Niinistö is currently 77-year-old and his firstborn is 7.
That means the child will see his dad die at a far too young age, most likely. But otherwise, meh. He'll be a different kind of father, but a good father all the same.
The question: how angry would he be if his father was 25 years older than he actually is? Would he prefer not having been born at all under such circumstances? I bet he wouldn't oppose his own existence, for such a reason at least. And neither will his child.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Just have some life insurance (or equivalent) set up to cover costs should the statistics catch up to him or you. At that age his parents can’t help out like they would if he were younger.
My partner’s parents are both very old compared to norms. It’s fine. One benefit is that they were financially stable and once they retired they were able to spend more time with their adolescent kid.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I have two friends born to parents of similar ages as that. Both have had very happy families. One was an only child. The other had a similar age gap with his half siblings, they didn't interact much while he was growing up, but now that he's an adult they hang out all the time. It seems like both friends have had to deal with more challenging losses of parents earlier in their lives than typical, but there's no guarantee about tomorrow anyway.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Mid 40’s is really pushing it.
-
The flip side of that is the 51 year old will have the time patience and resources to give the child a great upbringing.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Maybe 20 years ago.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
IMO, you shouldn't have a child if the thought/feel behind it is "I'm genuinely happy with or without them" regardless. It's worse than being with someone and thinking "I'm genuinely happy with or without them", because that person can get another partner but you can't get a new mom...
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
My father had another son with his 2nd wife when he was 58. At first I thought he was too old and it would be a burden for him and for the kid, but finally it works fine for everyone. He kind of seems younger now and my brother (now 11 years old) deals fine with having an older dad.
-
In my opinion over 50 is too old. I don't have a hard cutoff but I think I would place it somewhere around early 40s.
Some of my reasons are very subjective. My best memories of my childhood with my parents are of active stuff – camping trips, exploring rivers, kayaking. My parents are still very active in their late 60s but I can't imagine them doing a lot of the stuff we did back then. At least not in the same way.
Also I hate seeing my parents age. It was fine until their early 60s, they were also still very healthy and energetic in their 50s. But now I am often reminded that our time together is limited. I would have hated to deal with that as a child or teenager.
I know it's very possible for a child to have a happy life with an older parent, possibly happier than many other children. But I personally would hate to have one and think it's a bit selfish to consciously choose it.
Also I hate seeing my parents age.
It’s a weird feeling when you look at them and recognize them looking like your grandparents for the first time.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
If you have a kid now you husband will be almost seventy by the time they graduate high school. He probably won't be able to keep up with his grandchildren because he will be in his late seventies unless they get started young.
I would be reluctant to bring life into the world you know you won't be around for. It is not a total deal breaker, but it is something you should talk about.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
My wife and I had this discussion when we got married, she was angling for another kid and I was like "Roll forward 17, 18 years, do you want to be paying for college at retirement age?"
Our first kid is grown, out of the house, married, his degree is 100% paid off... I really don't want to be doing that again in my 60s.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]If you're expected to die before your kid turns 30-35, you're too old.
So if life expectancy of your husband (factoring in your genetics and family medical history) is, say 81 or older, then sure, go ahead.
As for your age (maternal age), it generally should not be older than 40, and optimally younder then 35, so you're at the right age. (Because older women tend to have children with developmental issues, biologically speaking)
He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
Um yea this is not optimal... my older brother is only like 5 years older and we already have a lot of problems.
-
why is your husband 20 years older than you?!
also, you can adopt.
They’re adults, who cares?
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
These are questions for a doctor, not the Internet lol.
I think you're fine but your husband might be a bit old, but idk exactly how the associated risks increase with age.If you're serious, ignore every single comment here and ask your ob/gyn.
-
If you're expected to die before your kid turns 30-35, you're too old.
So if life expectancy of your husband (factoring in your genetics and family medical history) is, say 81 or older, then sure, go ahead.
As for your age (maternal age), it generally should not be older than 40, and optimally younder then 35, so you're at the right age. (Because older women tend to have children with developmental issues, biologically speaking)
He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
Um yea this is not optimal... my older brother is only like 5 years older and we already have a lot of problems.
The childrens' age gap seems like a non-issue to me. Older brother would just take on a sort of uncle role. I know several people with large gaps in their siblings ages, and while they don't have the traditional sibling bond, they don't harbor any ill will towards their siblings either.
-
If you have a kid now you husband will be almost seventy by the time they graduate high school. He probably won't be able to keep up with his grandchildren because he will be in his late seventies unless they get started young.
I would be reluctant to bring life into the world you know you won't be around for. It is not a total deal breaker, but it is something you should talk about.
This doesnt seem like a huge problem to me. If he was already 70, maybe. But he'll still presumably be a fully functioning adult through his kid's whole adolescence.
-
This doesnt seem like a huge problem to me. If he was already 70, maybe. But he'll still presumably be a fully functioning adult through his kid's whole adolescence.
He was the one with the problem with it, not me. I can see his point though.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Since you said in my opinion, any age. Kids suck. Lets just die off as a species
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I’ll go with 40.
- for women I believe the risks went up dramatically 35–>40, with the new label “advanced maternal age”. There’s a clear medical threshold here.
- for men, I was about 40 and really think that should be about it. In fact I wanted another child but after that was delayed by medical issues in the family, decided we were getting too old. There may not be such a clear medical threshold but ….
When we did things with other parents we were invariably the oldest in the room. Not a blocker but it’s harder to be part of that community. I went to school with a kid from a very large family whose parents were older and they never did fit with other parents.
But the biggest thing is energy. As a Dad, I took a big part of my role to be active involvement. To keep up with toddler energy while also handling logistics. To jump into physical playtime or homework after a days work. to be always ready for the adventure, the sport, the activity. My crowning achievement was getting up at first cry so my wife could sleep, throwing the little one into a backpack, and doing a predawn hike to give his first bottle at sunrise on top of a mountain.
What was I saying? Oh energy. Now that my kids are in college, I’m old enough to make it difficult to keep up. I got my littlest into hiking but now I can’t go 5 miles without my knees killing me. Meanwhile he’s sending pictures back 15 miles in.
But seriously, energy. Now after a full days work I just want to get home and sit. Vegetate. It’s getting much harder to stir up the passion to join them whether for a video game, hone improvement, or even take them to an ice cream stand
I realize your mileage will vary, greatly, but I just don’t have the energy to be actively involved with kids anymore. They grew up just in time. But that active involvement, again doesn’t have to be physical but active participation , makes parenting so rewarding for both you and them. You don’t want to miss it. Kids aren’t goldfish where you can sit back in your chair and watch the aquarium but they shine ever brighter when you’re in there with them. You’re not a simple babysitter where you just make sure they survive, but it’s so much more rewarding as a parent to be there, do stuff, keep up.
But you have a different scenario with a large age gap. You’re at a great age for becoming a parent so don’t let age stop you. Medically it should be fine (statistically). You should be fine. But be aware that your husband may no longer have the energy or as much involvement as he would have a decade or two earlier. Both he and your child will miss out and likely you will face more of the burdens alone. But it is what it is. Life doesn’t always deal a straight flush and you have to play the hand you’re dealt.
