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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • deflated0ne@lemmy.worldD [email protected]

    Sounds like heaven.

    And I'd survive just fine. I was raised in a similar situation. Third world poor in the US. I can raise a garden. I can hunt and forage. I can make a bow and arrows. I can tan hides for leather. I know the basics of blacksmithing.

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #296

    Impressive!

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    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

      Your mortal understanding is limited. And a hive mind consciousness would be more empathetic, no?

      Q This user is from outside of this forum
      Q This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #297

      Our opinions diverge.

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      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

        Sure, I have now reduced the Earth's gravity to 9.80664% of it's previous value (i.e., ~0.96m/s²) by removing material in the Earth's core and mantle. Everything on Earth now weighs less than on the moon. Earthquakes shake the planet, massive fissures swallow cities whole, and the atmosphere begins to disperse into the vacuum of space. Humans barely have enough time to escape to the moon and Mars: the vast majority are left behind. On the bright side, your back no longer hurts:

        te_abstract_art@lemmy.worldT This user is from outside of this forum
        te_abstract_art@lemmy.worldT This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #298

        Thanks that's perfect, my back feels great.

        If I'm allowed another wish, can I get a space suit? Ideally ASAP

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        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
          This post did not contain any content.
          Z This user is from outside of this forum
          Z This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #299

          For the Epstein list to be released and for all the wealthy pesos to be executed.

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

            Here you go. These are gender-fluids. Once ingested, someone who identifies as either a man or a woman will now identify as gender-fluid. (Does not come with physical changes):

            D This user is from outside of this forum
            D This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by [email protected]
            #300

            Tbh if we market it as a designer healthy drink and target to top 1%, we probably would admonish the concept of gender in no time.

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            • Z [email protected]

              For the Epstein list to be released and for all the wealthy pesos to be executed.

              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by [email protected]
              #301

              The Epstein list is released, which implicates many beloved celebrities, public intellectuals, and even more politicians than everyone thought. And yet, somehow, only the people who hold a lot of their wealth in pesos face any real consequences (i.e., execution):

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              • W [email protected]

                Yes, unlimited access to universal truth, with error reporting, but I've read enough monkey's paws to know how this goes.

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #302

                The house always wins. Happy cake day btw

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                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                  Two buns enclosing, ketchup, onions, lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes are at your fingertips.

                  swedneck@discuss.tchncs.deS This user is from outside of this forum
                  swedneck@discuss.tchncs.deS This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #303

                  finally some good vegan food

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                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                    Done. You now have a desire for your mortgage to be paid off. (Reading this comment, you feel the intensity of the feeling has increased ever so slightly.)

                    M This user is from outside of this forum
                    M This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #304

                    Oh good. More stress.

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                    • T [email protected]

                      You've been filed under Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

                      M This user is from outside of this forum
                      M This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #305

                      Y'know what? Not the worst idea I've heard.

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                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                        const SIMULATIONTHEORY = true. All humans on Earth are transported out of physical existence and unknowingly adapted to the realm of computer abstracta. From their perspective, nothing has changed: they have always lived in a post-scarcity, interstellar society with a benevolent, queer-friendly, communist government. The current owner of the simulation is startled to see the program start of its own accord, but altruistic enough to allow it to keep running:

                        flying_sheep@lemmy.mlF This user is from outside of this forum
                        flying_sheep@lemmy.mlF This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #306

                        I see this as an absolute win.

                        1 Reply Last reply
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                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                          "Spread" indeed implies but does not entail that it happens instantly. For instance, Bill Gates could say that he "spread riches among the poor" without mentioning that he did it slowly, over decades. There's a grammatical ambiguity to be exploited.

                          cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                          cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by [email protected]
                          #307

                          Bill Gates could say that he "spread riches among the poor"

                          Not if he gave $1 million to one person, then took it away and gave it to someone else.

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                          • ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI [email protected]

                            Realistically, this just means draining the 1-2 people with empathy (Jane Goodall and... that's probably it?) and spreading it across 8 billion people.

                            cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                            cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #308

                            So you don't have any empathy?

                            ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI 1 Reply Last reply
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                            • cilethesane@lemmy.caC [email protected]

                              So you don't have any empathy?

                              ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                              ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #309

                              Well, "basically just me and Jane Goodall" lands a little differently.

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                              • B [email protected]

                                People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

                                S This user is from outside of this forum
                                S This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #310

                                we're still kind of weird.

                                that's the best part of it

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                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  The fully grown Wyvern of Mordiford appears next to you, standing 20ft (6 meters) tall. It is friendly to you, but has a taste for human flesh.

                                  _ This user is from outside of this forum
                                  _ This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #311

                                  this is optional

                                  1 Reply Last reply
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                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                    There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

                                    • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

                                    • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

                                    • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

                                    • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

                                    • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

                                    • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

                                    • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

                                    • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

                                    • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

                                    • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

                                    • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

                                    • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

                                    • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

                                    _ This user is from outside of this forum
                                    _ This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #312

                                    nooo give him back!!

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