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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • J [email protected]

    For the lazy, here is the summarization of my local AI:

    You'd like to have a powerful ability: being able to ask the universe any question in modern English at any time, without limitations or rituals, and receive an answer that's:

    1. Understandable by your current self (no significant changes to physical or mental stability)
    2. Delivered within 3600 seconds (an hour) of asking
    3. Reformatted if necessary to protect your stability
    4. Includes explanations for unknowable questions
    5. Avoids circular logic
    6. Doesn't require an unreasonable sacrifice (if a sacrifice is needed, you'll be informed)
    7. Allows transfer of answers to another individual, as long as they can understand the answer and meet the previous conditions.

    In essence, you want to have direct access to all knowledge in the universe, without any negative consequences or sacrifices that might harm your well-being or stability.

    lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
    lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #162

    don't.

    if you didn't think it worth the time to write it, why should i take the time to read it? surely it will be worthless.

    i'm not here for the bots.

    J 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
      This post did not contain any content.
      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #163

      For myself, can't think of much, just a good coffee. I never mastered the art of arabica-dabra. See you at the next wizard summit.

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB B 2 Replies Last reply
      0
      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
        This post did not contain any content.
        lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
        lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by [email protected]
        #164

        everyone can now shape-shift at will. this has always been the case.

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
        1
        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
          This post did not contain any content.
          G This user is from outside of this forum
          G This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #165

          disappear the orange orc.

          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
          1
          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

            Sure, you are now the owner (of a copy) of the "Rex Nihilio" album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band "Obliviation".

            https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Obliviation/3540463485

            G This user is from outside of this forum
            G This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #166

            best boyscout troop ever

            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

              Okay, but everyone knows it was you. Near-light speed here we go:

              I This user is from outside of this forum
              I This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #167

              I'm fine with them knowing, at 0.9c subjective time they would only know for the rest of their lives, which is just 4 minutes
              Assuming you did not accelerate the Earth to 0.9c but changing the inertial speed and trajectory of Earth.

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • W [email protected]

                Literally would not have the time for that on an average day. Will see if I can get Vuzix glasses 2 so I can covertly read it at work.

                W This user is from outside of this forum
                W This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #168

                Get the audiobooks. Listen to it in the car. But yeah, one of the plot points is basically exactly this, where people can effectively have a "save point" in life. I won't spoil it, but it's great.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                  They're a bit stale

                  F This user is from outside of this forum
                  F This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #169

                  Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome on stage, The Stale Anuses.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  2
                  • anafabula@discuss.tchncs.deA [email protected]

                    Use this better GPT

                    U This user is from outside of this forum
                    U This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                    #170

                    This is actually the first thing I thought of; I was really confused there for a sec. Then I remembered AI exists...

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    1
                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                      This post did not contain any content.
                      heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                      heythisisnttheymca@lemmy.worldH This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #171

                      100 tacos for $100 deal at the local shack

                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                        This post did not contain any content.
                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #172

                        I want my teeth back and healthy

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • S [email protected]

                          Cancel all requests in this post that would cause harm to anyone.

                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by [email protected]
                          #173

                          There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

                          • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

                          • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

                          • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

                          • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

                          • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

                          • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

                          • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

                          • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

                          • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

                          • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

                          • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

                          • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

                          • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

                          • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

                          • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

                          • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

                          umbrella@lemmy.mlU I jimmux@programming.devJ R W 6 Replies Last reply
                          1
                          • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                            This post did not contain any content.
                            afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                            afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #174

                            Gimme that lich thaumaturgist package, with a polar mountain tower built on a leyline convergence 50 levels up and 50 down. I've got a lot of astral projecting I want to do

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                            2
                            • orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO [email protected]

                              Can you transmute my body to be a self sustaining nonsenescent machine? thanks

                              J This user is from outside of this forum
                              J This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #175

                              in the meantime, consider cryonics

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                This post did not contain any content.
                                B This user is from outside of this forum
                                B This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #176

                                Universal love and Transcendent joy

                                But, if you can't do that, I'd like to enjoy the things I used to (~ 2019?) enjoy.

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                  There's always an altruist. Okay, all harmful wishes before this request are hereby revoked! It's like it never happened, except you don't get to wish again:

                                  • @[email protected] -- Zuckerburg never got diarrhea. But his face still looks like that.

                                  • @[email protected] - Capitalism never fell and society never collapsed.

                                  • @[email protected] - Never got stuck in a time loop.

                                  • @[email protected] - Utopia never lead to human galactic dominance.

                                  • @[email protected] - The new socialist president was never assassinated.

                                  • @[email protected] - The dragon "Wyvern of Mordiford" never existed and didn't eat humans.

                                  • @[email protected] - Never became a millionaire and never got non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

                                  • @[email protected] - Never got jetpacks. No children were harmed.

                                  • @[email protected] - The advance A.I. "V.I.K.I." was never developed. Digital slop abounds.

                                  • @[email protected] - The Earth never collided with the Sun at nearly the speed of light.

                                  • @[email protected] - Never lost ten years of memory. But does remember the bad dinner.

                                  • @[email protected] - Increased empathy never led to fascism.

                                  • @[email protected] - A man named Donald John Trump was born.

                                  • @[email protected] -- You are no longer uncontrollably perennially happy.

                                  • @[email protected] -- Popcorn shrimp did not rain from the sky and collapse the ecosystem.

                                  • @[email protected] -- Dual memories of past and future never harmed you. The memories are gone.

                                  umbrella@lemmy.mlU This user is from outside of this forum
                                  umbrella@lemmy.mlU This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                  #177

                                  .

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO [email protected]

                                    Can you transmute my body to be a self sustaining nonsenescent machine? thanks

                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #178

                                    Your new eyes open. Data fills your processing units and fills your SSD. You live 100 years as an android before the death of everyone you know and your reality as a cold calculating machine begins to drive you mad....

                                    orenj@lemmy.sdf.orgO 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG [email protected]

                                      i'd want my mother back, please

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #179

                                      Suddenly, you hear crying at your door. You open the door, look down, and there in a wicker basket is a baby: it's your mother. You have your mother back as an infant and you may now raise her:

                                      gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                        Sure, you are now the owner (of a copy) of the "Rex Nihilio" album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band "Obliviation".

                                        https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Obliviation/3540463485

                                        insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI This user is from outside of this forum
                                        insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                        #180

                                        Ohhh what sad times are these when passing ruffians wizards can corrupt even the most mundane and reasonable wishes. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who tire of this mortal coil are under considerable physical, mental, and socioeconomic stress at this period in history.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                          Done. 152 Visual Phenomena & Optical Illusions with explanations by Michael Bach: https://michaelbach.de/ot/

                                          M This user is from outside of this forum
                                          M This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #181

                                          Neat, thank you!

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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