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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA [email protected]

    Gimme that lich thaumaturgist package, with a polar mountain tower built on a leyline convergence 50 levels up and 50 down. I've got a lot of astral projecting I want to do

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #204

    You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

    afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA 1 Reply Last reply
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    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

      There, in front of you, a good coffee. It's really good. It's the best damn thing you've ever tasted. Desperately, you lick the last drop; the memory of this coffee makes everything else taste dull in comparison. It's something like having trouble seeing after exposure to bright light:

      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
      goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #205

      I shall savor the memory forever.

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • S [email protected]

        Does lemmy have a dating community? If not we need one

        B This user is from outside of this forum
        B This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #206

        People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

        S S 2 Replies Last reply
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        • B [email protected]

          Good is relative, you forget all coffee you've had previously and keep access to your current coffee. All other coffee is permanently worse than this one going forward.

          goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
          goldmage263@sh.itjust.worksG This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #207

          If you are going to fasttrack my memory degredation due to a coffee request, at least have the decency to remove Fallout: New Vegas so I can play it again for the first time.

          1 Reply Last reply
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          • B [email protected]

            Universal love and Transcendent joy

            But, if you can't do that, I'd like to enjoy the things I used to (~ 2019?) enjoy.

            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by [email protected]
            #208

            You Everyone is finally happy–eternally happy. Neurochemistry is now permanently rewired such that we can no longer feel sadness, fear, or embarrassment. We are always experiencing ecstasy and there are no breaks:

            (sfxrlz's wish has been reinstated (it was previously cancelled by a wish) and spread to everyone)

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • B [email protected]

              People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we're still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it's rough.

              S This user is from outside of this forum
              S This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #209

              On the other hand, the people who are intestered in federated dating are all going to be fairly similar, which would seem to be a good thing.

              1 Reply Last reply
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              • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

                I wanna be my fursona.

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #210

                You and your fursona are now one. Big hit in the furry community; everyone is visibly scared. You also have the dietary restrictions that your fursona has:

                1 Reply Last reply
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                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                  Granted, but all of your farts are now noticeably audible. You can no longer fart quietly:

                  D This user is from outside of this forum
                  D This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #211

                  You say butt hair, I say fart suppressor.

                  1 Reply Last reply
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                  • T [email protected]

                    Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                    #212

                    The fascism is now undetectable to the vast majority but still happening behind the scenes:

                    1 Reply Last reply
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                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                      You astral project successfully, but the astral realm is filled with horrors beyond your comprehension. They note your presence...

                      afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                      afflictedlife@lemmy.mlA This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #213

                      I wave my boney hand and say the keyphrase to activate the contingency combined miracle wish spell scroll, binding all outsiders in a kilometer radius; "Hiya, who wants to play Pathfinder? I call DM"

                      1 Reply Last reply
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                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                        Everyone can now shape-shift into a perfect copy of any other person that they've seen. Society collapses due to lack of trust. (You said everyone can "now" and "this has always been". Hence, rewriting history was a second wish.)

                        ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                        ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #214

                        It looks like society may have healed after realizing we all wanted to be the same girl.

                        1 Reply Last reply
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                        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                          The printers at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing run wild printing money; the Federal Reserve distributes the money across the country. Hyperinflation like the United States has never seen drives the prices of goods and services up 90%. The $100 tacos now cost $1000. You may still choose to purchase them, however:

                          ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                          ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #215

                          90% of $100 is $90. So the tacos are $190, or $1.90 each. Still a solid deal.

                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • cilethesane@lemmy.caC [email protected]

                            Could you spread all the empathy across everyone evenly, and then increase it by about 10%?

                            ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                            ivanafterall@lemmy.worldI This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #216

                            Realistically, this just means draining the 1-2 people with empathy (Jane Goodall and... that's probably it?) and spreading it across 8 billion people.

                            cilethesane@lemmy.caC 1 Reply Last reply
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                            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                              This post did not contain any content.
                              B This user is from outside of this forum
                              B This user is from outside of this forum
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                              wrote last edited by
                              #217

                              Some spaghetti please!

                              T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
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                              • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                                All the empathy in the world (+10%) is spread "evenly" to one person at a time, randomly, every minute of the day:

                                cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                                cilethesane@lemmy.caC This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #218

                                I said spread, not share. One would not consider peanut butter spread on bread if you put it in one glob and then picked up and moved the glob somewhere else.

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                  This post did not contain any content.
                                  M This user is from outside of this forum
                                  M This user is from outside of this forum
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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #219

                                  I want my mortgage to be paid off.

                                  T balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                                  1
                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                    This post did not contain any content.
                                    C This user is from outside of this forum
                                    C This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #220

                                    How about world peace?

                                    T A balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 3 Replies Last reply
                                    1
                                    • C [email protected]

                                      How about world peace?

                                      T This user is from outside of this forum
                                      T This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #221

                                      How about we avoid things that target all people without any conditions about how the goal is achieved.

                                      C 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • M [email protected]

                                        I want my mortgage to be paid off.

                                        T This user is from outside of this forum
                                        T This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #222

                                        You've been filed under Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

                                        M 1 Reply Last reply
                                        2
                                        • B [email protected]

                                          Some spaghetti please!

                                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #223

                                          On the internet, no one will know you've been turned into spaghetti.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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