What is a fair way to split costs when my girlfriend moves in? (I own the apartment)
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Take the total of what both of you earn, see what % each one contributes to that, and replicate this on rent
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I've had shared finances with my partner since we moved in together. It's worked well for us because she's really good with money. Probably not for everyone though. Basically we make sure everything is paid and put whatever is left in a joint account.
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If you gotta ask these kinds of things this relationship isn't really serious enough to warrant moving in.
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This sounds like a conversation to have with her, not strangers on that Internet
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If she has to pay for it then she can bring anyone she wishes into her apartment ... with payment come rights.
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I agree it wouldn't be right for her to pay off your mortgage. But I think either 50/50 or proportionate to income (i.e. 1.3/1) splitting of bills, groceries, and other costs incurred by the both of you, is reasonable. But you're in relationship, not a contract, so do discuss this with her and see what the both of you would prefer.
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It’s up to both of you. Don’t rely on social norms because it almost always leads to disagreement or when something changes someone feels it’s unfair.
Sit down together and decide what’s fair for your current situation and revisit it every time you adjust the budget. That can be as often as every week or month. Don’t lock yourselves into 1 agreement for ever. Expect it to be fluid and change as your financial situation changes.
As long as you’re both happy with it, it’s fair.
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I would suggest not charging her to live there, as you own the place; that might feel excessively transactional. Perhaps what would be most reasonable is to split bills proportionally after you've paid your mortgage. If, for example, your mortgage alone was 2000 Euro, you earned 6000 Euro a month, and she earned 4700 Euro a month, you would say that your income was 4000 Euro to her 4700 Euro, and that the split should be about 46% (your share) to 54% (her share).
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Like others have said, one option is to have a chat with her.
Another option could be coming up with a percentage that fits your 30% increase in earnings:
Assuming you start with a 50/50 split, we can add a 30% increase to your share:
0.5 * (1 + 0.3) = 0.65This 30% increase leads to a 65/35 ratio, where you would be paying 65%, and she 35%.
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Finances are one of the most common reasons for divorce, being open about these things is key in a relationship.
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My partner and I split all costs based on what we are able to commit to (roughly proportional to income)
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I always wonder about that. It seems like a non-issue to me. You’re just paying it, same as always, and the other can contribute when or if they can, what they can. Running costs that do increase with two people, like electricity or water, should be easy to just split some way, since the other’s no longer paying for their rent and utilities.
But why does it have to be some set sum or percentage or whatever? Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?
But of course the real correct answer will always be different for each relationship. And only revealed by talking and assuming each feel comfortable being honest and vocal about their thoughts and neither gets steamrolled or gets left with reservations or doubts about the outcome.
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As others have said, there is no right answer but here are my thoughts based on my experience.
- Mortgage
The apartment is under your name so I would expect you to pay the mortgage.
One thing you could do is that your girlfriend puts a share of the mortgage cost into a savings account under her name.
This way if you stay together and decide to buy a new home you can both contribute to it, if you split up you both get your marbles back.
It also levels your salaries and you are both contributing equally to the housing cost so there is no resentment in your side.
- Utilities and groceries
What I did with my girlfriend (now wife) is that we were doing a pro rata monthly contribution to a bank account that was used for everyday life. In your case you are earning 30% more then you can contribute 30% more to this account. Then everything like electricity, groceries, restaurants together ... Was deducted from this account.
It's quite easy to get a free bank account with two cards so we used that (we used N26 at the time but there are plenty of options, the bank account was technically a single person account with two cards but it did not really matter since we were not keeping a lot of money in it)
- Mortgage
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To add to these ideas, I've heard of a 4 bank account system for couples.
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Joint Checking where living expenses can come from.
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Joint Savings for shared investments. Requires two signatures to move money out.
And then each gets a personal account with their spending money that each gets to do whatever they want with.
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This varies by person, and he best person to talk about this is your girlfriend.
With that said, I'd do half what she paid in rent for mortgage (of half the mortgage payment, whichever is smaller), and all other expenses split down the middle.
She would pay rent if she lived elsewhere, the way I see it, her contributing to the mortgage is a deeply discounted rent.This might not work for you, you need to talk. Me and my now husband when we first started setup a joint account, and each sent half of an agreed amount there every month, or as needed. We didn't make similar incomes, it fluctuated back and forth through the years for both of us. Some people would think it was unfair for us to pay the same. It worked for us, and both of us were happy with the arranjement, it might not be the best option for you.
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I'm not sure this is fair. I don't think this is in lieu of such a conversation, but about some ideas on how to pitch the conversation. If you don't have any friends in similar circumstances, it's worth finding out what other people do.
That said, the range of suggestions here is so broad that I'm not sure it's going to help!
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If you want her to pay half of the mortgage it has to be half in her name as well. That should be obvious unless youve already paid the majority off.
Regardless money complicates relationships and at a point in your relationship half your income will become hers and half hers yours, dependent only on where you live.
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lol my wife will leave if I told to pay a cent
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Holy shit. I'm worried about everyone suggesting she pay no rent.
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My advice is not financial but rather about relationships:
- Money and finances are one of the top things couples fight about.
- Psychologists have observed that couples have the same disagreements (or fights) over the long term course of a relationship, and these can be used as touchpoints to assess the couple's emotional maturity and overall relationship health.
- So, whatever financial arrangement you agree upon, commit to it in a way that actively reinforces the importance of the relationship, fosters open communication, and strengthens your bond with one another.
