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  3. Foolproof advice

Foolproof advice

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • D [email protected]

    Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

    B This user is from outside of this forum
    B This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #26

    Certainly, m'lady!

    1 Reply Last reply
    2
    • D [email protected]

      My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

      C This user is from outside of this forum
      C This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #27

      Why, thank you, I've just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.

      1 Reply Last reply
      5
      • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

        "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

        S This user is from outside of this forum
        S This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #28

        Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

        lime@feddit.nuL 1 Reply Last reply
        36
        • S [email protected]

          Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

          lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
          lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #29

          no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

          asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA 1 Reply Last reply
          30
          • S [email protected]
            This post did not contain any content.
            B This user is from outside of this forum
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            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #30

            "No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!"

            1 Reply Last reply
            2
            • B [email protected]

              Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

              T This user is from outside of this forum
              T This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #31

              Hi. Welcome to the Internet.

              C 1 Reply Last reply
              5
              • S [email protected]

                We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                bluelinebae@midwest.socialB This user is from outside of this forum
                bluelinebae@midwest.socialB This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                #32

                That shoe one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women's shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.

                S E 2 Replies Last reply
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                • S [email protected]
                  This post did not contain any content.
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                  wrote last edited by
                  #33

                  Suckers gonna suck

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • S [email protected]

                    We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                    washedupcynic@lemmy.caW This user is from outside of this forum
                    washedupcynic@lemmy.caW This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #34

                    Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

                    F 1 Reply Last reply
                    8
                    • S [email protected]

                      We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                      F This user is from outside of this forum
                      F This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #35

                      I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      4
                      • I [email protected]

                        Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?

                        D This user is from outside of this forum
                        D This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by [email protected]
                        #36

                        It's typo progressive for him. He's the "your wife shouldn't get wet" type.

                        Edit: autocorrect fail in the worst/best way there

                        O 1 Reply Last reply
                        6
                        • B [email protected]

                          Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

                          cruxifux@feddit.nlC This user is from outside of this forum
                          cruxifux@feddit.nlC This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #37

                          Kids these days don’t remember the internet before /s, where you had to use context to tell of someone was being sarcastic or not.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          4
                          • lime@feddit.nuL [email protected]

                            no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

                            asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
                            asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #38

                            Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

                            https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

                            lime@feddit.nuL kolanaki@pawb.socialK 2 Replies Last reply
                            10
                            • S [email protected]
                              This post did not contain any content.
                              T This user is from outside of this forum
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                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #39

                              I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              5
                              • S [email protected]
                                This post did not contain any content.
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                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #40

                                Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                10
                                • S [email protected]
                                  This post did not contain any content.
                                  M This user is from outside of this forum
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                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #41

                                  My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.

                                  T M ethaver@kbin.earthE 3 Replies Last reply
                                  2
                                  • asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA [email protected]

                                    Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

                                    https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

                                    lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                                    lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #42

                                    i mean, so is grass

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    13
                                    • K [email protected]

                                      Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

                                      C This user is from outside of this forum
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                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #43

                                      No relation.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      20
                                      • cruxifux@feddit.nlC [email protected]

                                        This has to be satire.

                                        A This user is from outside of this forum
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                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #44

                                        I thought so too until I went to the website and I still couldn't tell 😕

                                        cruxifux@feddit.nlC 1 Reply Last reply
                                        4
                                        • M [email protected]

                                          My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.

                                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                                          T This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #45

                                          I pretty much always want pasta... Maybe I'm always experiencing menses.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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