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  3. Conditional Baptism

Conditional Baptism

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Programmer Humor
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  • maven@lemmy.zipM [email protected]
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    wrote last edited by
    #18

    A 1 Reply Last reply
    45
    • C [email protected]

      Per the actual wiki, some denominations seem to think it's a sin or heresy to do someone more than once. Which seems like what the nullification in the baptize function is supposed to capture.

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      wrote last edited by
      #19

      some denominations seem to think it's a sin or heresy to do someone more than once

      Those denominations must have really high divorce rates..

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      16
      • theneverfox@pawb.socialT [email protected]

        Can you get more clean than clean?

        Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care

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        wrote last edited by
        #20

        Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care

        Doubly so with religion, though 馃し

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        1
        • gutek8134@lemmy.worldG [email protected]

          I think erasing one's body could make you more clean than clean

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          wrote last edited by
          #21

          So what you're saying is that fundies need to be cremated? Possibly AFTER death from other causes?

          fuglyduck@lemmy.worldF 1 Reply Last reply
          2
          • theneverfox@pawb.socialT [email protected]

            Can you get more clean than clean?

            Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care

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            wrote last edited by
            #22

            Conceptual numeracy is a human thing. The universe absolutely cares about quantifiable physical properties which we represent as numbers.

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            3
            • F [email protected]

              Sounds like Haskell needs an official Saint.

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              wrote last edited by
              #23

              There's an old joke about functional programming separating Church from state.

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              10
              • V [email protected]

                So what you're saying is that fundies need to be cremated? Possibly AFTER death from other causes?

                fuglyduck@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
                fuglyduck@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
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                wrote last edited by
                #24

                no no. they need to switch to Flouroantimonic acid instead of just flowing water.

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                2
                • maven@lemmy.zipM [email protected]
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                  wrote last edited by [email protected]
                  #25

                  How would this read try-catch-ing with the Mormon baptism for dead Jewish people ?

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                  • maven@lemmy.zipM [email protected]
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                    wrote last edited by
                    #26

                    Priest: If you are not yet baptised, I baptise you in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. Else break.

                    Parents: *sweating nervously*...else what

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                    58
                    • _ [email protected]

                      I imagine if baptisms stacked, you could pile on a gazillion of them like ablative armor against incoming sin.

                      theneverfox@pawb.socialT This user is from outside of this forum
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                      wrote last edited by
                      #27

                      Lol, imagine if showers stacked. You could spend a week showering and then all filth just disappears when it touches you

                      But then, what happens to the filth?

                      The only way I see this working is if you shower, you just continuously wash filth off yourself. But then does it all just kick in when you walk out of the shower? Or maybe, you never become clean until you've washed a lifetime of filth off yourself, then you're clean forever

                      I'm imagining every baby just covered in sludge, and after years of washing they become clean. Imagine your kid just never gets cleaner, and everyone just thinks you're a terrible parent. Imagine cleaning your kid and they become clean way ahead of schedule

                      There's some real existential horror here

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                      7
                      • T [email protected]

                        Baptism is such a weird thing.

                        I think Haskell is such a weird thing

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                        wrote last edited by
                        #28

                        Dunno what to tell ya, it's great.

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                        3
                        • maven@lemmy.zipM [email protected]
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                          wrote last edited by
                          #29

                          Haskell mentioned 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位

                          vitabytesdev@feddit.nlV 1 Reply Last reply
                          21
                          • C [email protected]

                            That honestly seems like the best way to write conditionalBaptize but I still hate it. Probably because IRL you'd just rewrite baptism instead of retrofitting the function with a clever use of id.

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                            wrote last edited by [email protected]
                            #30

                            It looks pretty normal to me as a professional Haskeller, though I suppose it's perhaps slightly cleaner to write it as conditionalBaptize p = fromMaybe p $ baptize p. It's largely just a matter of taste and I'd accept either version when reviewing an MR.

                            Edit: I just thought of another version that actually is far too clever and shouldn't be used:

                            conditionalBaptize = ap fromMaybe baptize, making use of the monad instance for ->. But yeah, don't do this.

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                            4
                            • theneverfox@pawb.socialT [email protected]

                              Lol, imagine if showers stacked. You could spend a week showering and then all filth just disappears when it touches you

                              But then, what happens to the filth?

                              The only way I see this working is if you shower, you just continuously wash filth off yourself. But then does it all just kick in when you walk out of the shower? Or maybe, you never become clean until you've washed a lifetime of filth off yourself, then you're clean forever

                              I'm imagining every baby just covered in sludge, and after years of washing they become clean. Imagine your kid just never gets cleaner, and everyone just thinks you're a terrible parent. Imagine cleaning your kid and they become clean way ahead of schedule

                              There's some real existential horror here

                              U This user is from outside of this forum
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                              wrote last edited by
                              #31

                              In reality, if you bathe too much you just stand to lose too much sebum, making it easier for dirt to stick to your skin (and harder to remove) until the layer forms again.

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                              2
                              • _ [email protected]

                                I imagine if baptisms stacked, you could pile on a gazillion of them like ablative armor against incoming sin.

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                                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                #32

                                Incoming baptismal penetration estimate from carnal sins: -17 layers

                                Shield integrity: 69%

                                Hull integrity: 100%

                                System: stable

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                                5
                                • N [email protected]

                                  Haskell mentioned 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位

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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #33

                                  Half Life mentioned 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位

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                                  12
                                  • maven@lemmy.zipM [email protected]
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                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #34

                                    i need a therapist who will express life in haskell

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                                    12
                                    • M [email protected]

                                      Probably the reason some other sects call double-dipping a sin, so as to not be like those Mormons.

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                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #35

                                      That seems likely, zealots love a good dividing line. I'm reminded of all the weird obsessing in the Mishnah about wine because the non-Jews of the period used it in sacrifices.

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                                      1
                                      • maven@lemmy.zipM [email protected]
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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #36

                                        Excerpt from Learn You a Haskell for Great God!

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                                        • L [email protected]

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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #37

                                          I didn't expect the FP inquisition.

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