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  3. Foolproof advice

Foolproof advice

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • S [email protected]

    We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

    kolanaki@pawb.socialK This user is from outside of this forum
    kolanaki@pawb.socialK This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #23

    "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

    R S K 3 Replies Last reply
    57
    • L [email protected]

      Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

      D This user is from outside of this forum
      D This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #24

      My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

      C B 2 Replies Last reply
      12
      • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

        "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

        R This user is from outside of this forum
        R This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #25

        To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they're ovulating.

        1 Reply Last reply
        10
        • D [email protected]

          Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

          B This user is from outside of this forum
          B This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #26

          Certainly, m'lady!

          1 Reply Last reply
          2
          • D [email protected]

            My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

            C This user is from outside of this forum
            C This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #27

            Why, thank you, I've just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.

            1 Reply Last reply
            5
            • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

              "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

              S This user is from outside of this forum
              S This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #28

              Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

              lime@feddit.nuL 1 Reply Last reply
              34
              • S [email protected]

                Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

                lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #29

                no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

                asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA 1 Reply Last reply
                28
                • S [email protected]
                  This post did not contain any content.
                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  B This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #30

                  "No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!"

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  2
                  • B [email protected]

                    Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

                    T This user is from outside of this forum
                    T This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #31

                    Hi. Welcome to the Internet.

                    C 1 Reply Last reply
                    5
                    • S [email protected]

                      We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                      bluelinebae@midwest.socialB This user is from outside of this forum
                      bluelinebae@midwest.socialB This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by [email protected]
                      #32

                      That shoe one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women's shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.

                      S E 2 Replies Last reply
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                      • S [email protected]
                        This post did not contain any content.
                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                        S This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #33

                        Suckers gonna suck

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • S [email protected]

                          We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                          washedupcynic@lemmy.caW This user is from outside of this forum
                          washedupcynic@lemmy.caW This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #34

                          Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

                          F 1 Reply Last reply
                          8
                          • S [email protected]

                            We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                            F This user is from outside of this forum
                            F This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by
                            #35

                            I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            4
                            • I [email protected]

                              Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?

                              D This user is from outside of this forum
                              D This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by [email protected]
                              #36

                              It's typo progressive for him. He's the "your wife shouldn't get wet" type.

                              Edit: autocorrect fail in the worst/best way there

                              O 1 Reply Last reply
                              6
                              • B [email protected]

                                Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

                                cruxifux@feddit.nlC This user is from outside of this forum
                                cruxifux@feddit.nlC This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #37

                                Kids these days don’t remember the internet before /s, where you had to use context to tell of someone was being sarcastic or not.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                4
                                • lime@feddit.nuL [email protected]

                                  no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

                                  asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
                                  asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #38

                                  Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

                                  https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

                                  lime@feddit.nuL kolanaki@pawb.socialK 2 Replies Last reply
                                  9
                                  • S [email protected]
                                    This post did not contain any content.
                                    T This user is from outside of this forum
                                    T This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #39

                                    I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    5
                                    • S [email protected]
                                      This post did not contain any content.
                                      S This user is from outside of this forum
                                      S This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #40

                                      Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      10
                                      • S [email protected]
                                        This post did not contain any content.
                                        M This user is from outside of this forum
                                        M This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #41

                                        My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.

                                        T M ethaver@kbin.earthE 3 Replies Last reply
                                        2
                                        • asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA [email protected]

                                          Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

                                          https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

                                          lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                                          lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #42

                                          i mean, so is grass

                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          12
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