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  3. Foolproof advice

Foolproof advice

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • S [email protected]
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    S This user is from outside of this forum
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    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #20

    We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

    kolanaki@pawb.socialK bluelinebae@midwest.socialB washedupcynic@lemmy.caW F K 11 Replies Last reply
    174
    • K [email protected]

      That sounds like Strong Bad's alter ego.

      D This user is from outside of this forum
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      wrote last edited by
      #21

      The Cheat is vacuuming.

      S 1 Reply Last reply
      14
      • B [email protected]

        What's sad about learning something new and getting laid?

        D This user is from outside of this forum
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        wrote last edited by
        #22

        Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

        B 1 Reply Last reply
        9
        • S [email protected]

          We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

          kolanaki@pawb.socialK This user is from outside of this forum
          kolanaki@pawb.socialK This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #23

          "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

          R S K 3 Replies Last reply
          58
          • L [email protected]

            Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

            D This user is from outside of this forum
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            wrote last edited by
            #24

            My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

            C B 2 Replies Last reply
            12
            • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

              "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

              R This user is from outside of this forum
              R This user is from outside of this forum
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              wrote last edited by
              #25

              To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they're ovulating.

              1 Reply Last reply
              11
              • D [email protected]

                Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

                B This user is from outside of this forum
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                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #26

                Certainly, m'lady!

                1 Reply Last reply
                2
                • D [email protected]

                  My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

                  C This user is from outside of this forum
                  C This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #27

                  Why, thank you, I've just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  5
                  • kolanaki@pawb.socialK [email protected]

                    "Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

                    S This user is from outside of this forum
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                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #28

                    Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

                    lime@feddit.nuL 1 Reply Last reply
                    36
                    • S [email protected]

                      Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

                      lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                      lime@feddit.nuL This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #29

                      no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

                      asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA 1 Reply Last reply
                      30
                      • S [email protected]
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                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #30

                        "No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!"

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        2
                        • B [email protected]

                          Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

                          T This user is from outside of this forum
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                          wrote last edited by
                          #31

                          Hi. Welcome to the Internet.

                          C 1 Reply Last reply
                          5
                          • S [email protected]

                            We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                            bluelinebae@midwest.socialB This user is from outside of this forum
                            bluelinebae@midwest.socialB This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by [email protected]
                            #32

                            That shoe one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women's shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.

                            S E 2 Replies Last reply
                            2
                            • S [email protected]
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                              wrote last edited by
                              #33

                              Suckers gonna suck

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • S [email protected]

                                We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                                washedupcynic@lemmy.caW This user is from outside of this forum
                                washedupcynic@lemmy.caW This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by
                                #34

                                Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

                                F 1 Reply Last reply
                                8
                                • S [email protected]

                                  We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

                                  F This user is from outside of this forum
                                  F This user is from outside of this forum
                                  [email protected]
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #35

                                  I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  4
                                  • I [email protected]

                                    Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?

                                    D This user is from outside of this forum
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                                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                    #36

                                    It's typo progressive for him. He's the "your wife shouldn't get wet" type.

                                    Edit: autocorrect fail in the worst/best way there

                                    O 1 Reply Last reply
                                    6
                                    • B [email protected]

                                      Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.

                                      cruxifux@feddit.nlC This user is from outside of this forum
                                      cruxifux@feddit.nlC This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #37

                                      Kids these days don’t remember the internet before /s, where you had to use context to tell of someone was being sarcastic or not.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      4
                                      • lime@feddit.nuL [email protected]

                                        no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

                                        asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
                                        asidonhopo@lemmy.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #38

                                        Nilered did a video on this, it's technically at least cheese-adjacent

                                        https://youtu.be/0aGNAxN5Z-o

                                        lime@feddit.nuL kolanaki@pawb.socialK 2 Replies Last reply
                                        10
                                        • S [email protected]
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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #39

                                          I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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