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  3. why the hell cant men stay out of women-only spaces?

why the hell cant men stay out of women-only spaces?

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@menarefuckings
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  • N [email protected]

    "Cite sources of your claim, prove it, and spend ages providing material that I will dismiss as irrelevant!".

    The name comes from this comic:

    Sparrohawcs explanation is also a pretty good one.

    L This user is from outside of this forum
    L This user is from outside of this forum
    [email protected]
    wrote last edited by
    #101

    Cite sources of your claim, prove it, and spend ages providing material that I will dismiss as irrelevant!

    That just seems like an objection whiners raise when they dislike challenges: they

    • find the burden of supporting their argument coherently too taxing or
    • don't know how to resolve mutually accepted premises or
    • don't like assumptions questioned.

    No one needs to answer challenges to their argument or "spend ages providing material".
    By that same token, no one else needs to care about a weak, poorly defended argument.

    It's easy enough to ignore or reciprocate preposterous lines of questioning: seems like a skills issue.

    As for "sowing discord", there's a strong philosophical tradition of doing pretty much that (ie, shamelessly, impudently breaking conformity to unchallenged conventions & assumptions) to dispel "false belief, mindlessness, folly, and conceit" in the pursuit of "mental clarity or lucidity".
    They were called dogs & would even state "other dogs bite their enemies, I bite my friends to save them".
    Such classical philosophers might be called trolls nowadays.

    Any system that treats them as trolls is broken in my opinion.

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    • therapygary@lemmy.blahaj.zoneT [email protected]

      Why aren't people checking what community they're about to participate in? That feels like it ought to be standard behaviour

      L This user is from outside of this forum
      L This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #102

      Because it's unnecessary in almost all cases. So far there is only one community which forbids people to comment based on who they are, but otherwise the rules boil down to standard acceptable behavior according to common sense. It's also a nuisance for users: I am quite sure nobody wants to click several times and be derailed to check rules (on mobile) for every comment they want to write in every post they see on a feed. If this would be expected as standard behavior, I would guess even less interactions will happen.

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      • C [email protected]

        OP is complaining, but doesn't appear to be otherwise showing signs of that, and men being outraged women don't invite them into everything is a real phenomenon I've seen around.

        That being said, yes, shittyness is evenly distributed between genders.

        S This user is from outside of this forum
        S This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #103

        men being outraged women don't invite them into everything is a real phenomenon I've seen around.

        You got an example to share with the class?

        Becuase at least around fedi I never seen it but I have seen this same style post on here within last few months.

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        • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO This user is from outside of this forum
          originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO This user is from outside of this forum
          [email protected]
          wrote last edited by
          #104

          your anecdote is cute, but i get reports from the women-only sub daily and it sure as hell isnt only guys not paying attention

          S 1 Reply Last reply
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          • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO [email protected]

            your anecdote is cute, but i get reports from the women-only sub daily and it sure as hell isnt only guys not paying attention

            S This user is from outside of this forum
            S This user is from outside of this forum
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            wrote last edited by
            #105

            That's a trust me bro?

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            • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO This user is from outside of this forum
              originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO This user is from outside of this forum
              [email protected]
              wrote last edited by
              #106

              dude, believe whatever you want to believe.

              the fact men are jerks in the context of this thread is not an unknown and quite well established across the internet.

              S 1 Reply Last reply
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              • L This user is from outside of this forum
                L This user is from outside of this forum
                [email protected]
                wrote last edited by
                #107

                Upload a photo which includes your face and genitals, and AI will validate your age and sex!

                S 1 Reply Last reply
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                • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO [email protected]

                  dude, believe whatever you want to believe.

                  the fact men are jerks in the context of this thread is not an unknown and quite well established across the internet.

                  S This user is from outside of this forum
                  S This user is from outside of this forum
                  [email protected]
                  wrote last edited by
                  #108

                  Again... Show me a comment where somebody is a jerk in this thread.

                  You make unsubstantiated claims and expect the audience to just accept it? That's not how discourse works, that's an echo chamber.

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                  • L [email protected]

                    Upload a photo which includes your face and genitals, and AI will validate your age and sex!

                    S This user is from outside of this forum
                    S This user is from outside of this forum
                    [email protected]
                    wrote last edited by
                    #109

                    Your butthole print is the only acceptable ID in 2025

                    1 Reply Last reply
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                    • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO [email protected]

                      im so sick of seeing reports regarding men posting in women-only communities and i cant help but get annoyed with these guys.

                      the rules are clearly presented. either youre not paying attention or youre just an asshole who purposefully throws their opinion in a place explicitly not wanting it.

                      what the fuck is wrong with you guys?

                      T This user is from outside of this forum
                      T This user is from outside of this forum
                      [email protected]
                      wrote last edited by
                      #110

                      Look, I'm not about to post comments myself in those places, but happening upon one recently after a previous post like this, I noticed how poorly the rule was displayed.

                      Each post should have a stickied mod comment at the top stating commenting is for women only. Otherwise it's easy not to notice what community the post is in that you're responding to, especially on mobile.

                      You can expect people to know the rules of any community before posting, or take the time to look, or whatever, but the only person you're hurting is yourself for having those expectations.

                      If your community is public, the onus is on you (or rather, the mods of the community) to make it as clear as possible what the rules are, if they exclude people or go beyond "be civil."

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                      • C This user is from outside of this forum
                        C This user is from outside of this forum
                        [email protected]
                        wrote last edited by
                        #111

                        No, I don't catalogue them, lol. You'll have to take/ignore my word for it.

                        Going "hey, weren't we supposed to be equal" is understandable. Not paying any mind to reasons given why they're not allowed in whatever group and then making it a huge grievance to pursue shows the issue goes beyond philosophy.

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                        • C [email protected]

                          No, I don't catalogue them, lol. You'll have to take/ignore my word for it.

                          Going "hey, weren't we supposed to be equal" is understandable. Not paying any mind to reasons given why they're not allowed in whatever group and then making it a huge grievance to pursue shows the issue goes beyond philosophy.

                          S This user is from outside of this forum
                          S This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #112

                          It just seems odd we are having this discussion about behavior that nobody can link up on this platform.

                          I am sure somebody some where did it, no doubt but OP presents it as a current issue worthy of notice and discussion but fails to provide any receipts to support this claim.

                          If somebody is making a huge grievance on fedi about it. I would like to see the thread.

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                          • A [email protected]

                            Thanks for providing a great reason to leave this community.

                            The OP has been hostile in the comments, and in their OP, violating Rule 1, and Rule 5.

                            Do better.

                            E This user is from outside of this forum
                            E This user is from outside of this forum
                            [email protected]
                            wrote last edited by [email protected]
                            #113

                            Thanks for providing a great reason to leave this community.

                            It's not an airport. You don't need to announce your departure.

                            A 1 Reply Last reply
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                            • E [email protected]

                              Thanks for providing a great reason to leave this community.

                              It's not an airport. You don't need to announce your departure.

                              A This user is from outside of this forum
                              A This user is from outside of this forum
                              [email protected]
                              wrote last edited by
                              #114

                              It’s not an airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.

                              I know.

                              I did it because I wanted to share my point of view, like you have done here. Both of which are admittedly pointless and time wasting endeavors.

                              Also, I’ve always been a bit skeptical when someone decides to leave a community because they don’t like a post and/or poster. As if they represent the totality of the sub.

                              It is not about the post or poster, it is about the lack of action from mods in regards to the post or poster. Which is a constant problem in this community that I have noticed, and a good reason to leave it.

                              I find it funny that you care so much, so thank you for that.

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                              • originalucifer@moist.catsweat.comO [email protected]

                                im so sick of seeing reports regarding men posting in women-only communities and i cant help but get annoyed with these guys.

                                the rules are clearly presented. either youre not paying attention or youre just an asshole who purposefully throws their opinion in a place explicitly not wanting it.

                                what the fuck is wrong with you guys?

                                N This user is from outside of this forum
                                N This user is from outside of this forum
                                [email protected]
                                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                #115

                                Personally, I block pretty much all exclusionary communities for a few reasons:

                                • I frequently do not see the community name before looking at a thread and finding something interesting to converse on, partly because of my neurodivergences. This leads to breaking rules without intending to. Safer to block.

                                • I sometimes have experienced RSD as a symptom of my neurodivergences and thus intentionally take action to prevent it.

                                • I value inclusivity and anarchic social organization as fundamental parts of my ethical framework and find social exclusion based upon a person's immutable traits incredibly offensive (the intensity of this is definitely related to my neurodivergences as well).

                                This is not to say that I don't believe that women deserve a space where they have control and agency, especially with the immense amounts of misogyny on the Internet and meatspace. Nor do they need to consider my feelings nor any other man's when deciding their rules and whether to be inclusive or exclusive.

                                I do, however, think that the hard-line exclusionary practices diminish the perspective, both for the participants and for men who could definitely use the insights into the bullshit that women have to continue to deal with. Lots of missed opportunity to build understanding and strengthen allyship. It also makes it easier for toxic exclusionary ideologies, like TERFs to take root (every group excluded makes it easier to excuse excluding another) while also preventing people who have not discovered their feminine gender identities from participating in conversation with other women in ways that could help them to uncover important things about themselves.

                                Anyway, enjoy and I hope that you find your space helpful to you, regardless of what myself or any other man feels about it. If the community does become inclusive, I'd definitely like to to know so that I can unblock it.

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                                • H [email protected]

                                  OK, I pulled out a computer for you so I could see the rules side by side with my post because my mobile client doesn't allow it.

                                  Rule 1: Be nice and; have fun

                                  Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here.

                                  OP came in swinging hot, maybe a little toxic, but there are valid points behind the hot words.

                                  However, OP has shown that they are able to accept other viewpoints from valid arguments (https://lemmy.ca/post/48960508/18080134). So I would argue this is borderline.

                                  I have to say, I have no idea what sealioning is though.

                                  Rule 5: This is not a support community.

                                  It is not a place for ‘how do I?’, type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

                                  This isn't a "How do I". This is an open ended attempt (with some frustration) to try to under why members of the community do certain things.

                                  That's my view anyway. What's yours?

                                  T This user is from outside of this forum
                                  T This user is from outside of this forum
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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #116

                                  This is an open ended attempt (with some frustration) to try to under why members of the community do certain things.

                                  I am fine with not commenting in women-only spaces, but that is very much not what OP is trying to do. OP is venting and using a rhetorical question they don't seem to particularly want an answer to. Is that "requesting support?" Does that extend to emotional/moral support?

                                  I think if the OP is complaining about not following the rules and spirit of a community when posting, it seems appropriate to point out if they are violating the rules (and spirit) of the community they post it in.

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                                  • K [email protected]

                                    TIL there is women only spaces on the internet. How do you even enforce it?

                                    starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                    starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                    [email protected]
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #117

                                    With difficulty, as demonstrated here.

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                                    • L [email protected]

                                      How do you know they're not women trolling as men?

                                      Isn't gender a social construct based on self-identification (rather than your physical body) that can be fluid & vary from day to day?
                                      Isn't a woman anyone who claims to be?

                                      Some activists even say there is no such thing as a “male body”

                                      A penis is not a male body part. It’s just an unusual body part for a woman.

                                      Messages are genderless.

                                      Are you complaining about unverifiable gender claims on here?
                                      Seems somewhat pointless & untenable.

                                      starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                      starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                      [email protected]
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #118

                                      You're reaching.

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                                      • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG [email protected]

                                        Lemmy is a public space. Everyone can participate.

                                        Imagine if lemmy was a physical piece of public land. Could you create a community on it that can only be accessed by women? Something like this village?

                                        starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                        starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                        [email protected]
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #119

                                        There are literally women only bars and women only buses. And women only bathrooms, of course.

                                        gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG 1 Reply Last reply
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                                        • starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                          starlinguk@lemmy.worldS This user is from outside of this forum
                                          [email protected]
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #120

                                          Women are literally being persecuted.

                                          S E 2 Replies Last reply
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